after for me tho

I tried love too many times

stopped keeping score

somewhere between giving and losing

I became something I don’t recognize anymore

after you

there’s nothing left I can lend

not even the version of me

that used to try to pretend

you let someone come between us

like it ain’t split something within

had me looking from outside in

at a life I should’ve been in

I know that space

I built that place

every wall still echo my voice

now I’m watching from a distance

like I ain’t have a choice

I had what I wanted

within reach… within skin

but what I wanted didn’t want me

so I let that reality sink in

no scenes

no begging

no need to defend

I wasn’t losing you to them

you was already gone

I just ain’t see it back then

alignment

You say you want me,

but your actions don’t align

like your heart signed a contract

your soul never read.

Your “I love you” used to warm me,

now it land cold

like words fresh out your mouth

but frozen before they touch me.

I can give you everything

the needs, the wants, the in-betweens,

be the steady hand,

the place you run when life gets heavy

be your stability in a shaky world.

But if I’m not what you choose

when it’s time to show it,

if I’m not the one you stand on

when it’s pressure applied…

then what am I really holding on to?

’Cause love ain’t just what you say

it’s how you show up

when it costs you something.

And right now?

you loving me in theory…

but not in practice.

So I started noticing the distance

wasn’t just moments anymore

it was becoming us.

We stopped being us a while ago

we just never said it out loud.

This love… your love… our love

Hopeless.

realizing can't breathe

Loving you came so naturally, it was like the oxygen I breathed,

Never had to question it, it just lived inside of me.

We were steady, we were solid, we were everything we needed,

Now we’re talking less and less, silence growing in between.

Conversations getting shorter, feelings harder to read,

I used to feel you in my arms, now those feelings are just memories.

I’m holding on to moments when we used to be…

Now every breath I used to breathe feels like your oxygen isn’t meant for me.

crave you

I crave you

in ways words could never do justice.

Like my skin was made

to recognize your touch,

like my lungs only learned breathing

through the air you left behind.

Long before I knew your name

my heart already understood

the rhythm of yours,

allowing our beats to fall in sync

whenever we were together.

I crave you

like a bad habit I swore I’d quit

the kind that ruins sleep,

clouds judgment,

and still feels good enough

to run back to.

Every thought of you lingers

slow, heavy, dangerous.

You don’t just cross my mind…

you stay there,

stretched across my silence

like temptation wearing your face.

I don’t just want your body.

I want the version of you

nobody else gets close enough to touch.

The guarded side.

The tired side.

The softness hidden behind your pride.

The side of you

that only showed up

when the world went quiet

and it was just us

trying not to fall apart.

You made chaos feel familiar.

Made heartbreak feel gentle

like loving hands

wrapped around something already broken.

Like self-destruction

dressed up as comfort.

And somehow I still crave it

still crave you.

love me loud

I don’t want a quiet love

that halfway, shrug-shoulder,

“you know how I feel” kind of love.

Love me out loud.

Love me like your heart got no reason to hide.

Give me that

“say my name, say my name

when everybody around you” kind of love.

Let it show in your walk,

every lil step you take

the way your posture straighten

when I enter the room,

the way your soul look occupied

even when I’m not beside you.

I want the kind of love

that slips into conversation naturally.

Not my name

but the way your eyes soften

when somebody asks why you smiling.

The way your voice get warmer

talking about “someone”

who make life feel lighter.

I want your friends to know it

without introductions.

Want strangers to feel it

in the distance between your sentences.

Want your love to sound certain

not whispered like a secret

you afraid to claim.

Don’t love me nonchalantly.

Don’t hand me affection

with your palms facing down.

If I’m yours

stand in it.

Let your actions pronounce me

without ever spelling my name.

Let your loyalty be so obvious

even silence says I’m loved.

I’m not asking for obsession.

I’m over being a toxic fetish.

I don’t want to be loved in secret

and denied in daylight.

I just want to be claimed.

stranger

I’m supposed to be your only, but you make me feel like a side dude— standing outside the window watching a relationship I’m somehow not a part of.

Crazy how I can hold your hand and still feel single. How strangers get conversations, attention, softness… that I gotta beg for in private.

Loving you started feeling like waiting for my turn in a place I helped build. Like I gotta compete for attention that was supposed to come natural.

And that kind of pain? Quiet. Embarrassing.

’Cause how you make somebody feel lonely while laying right beside them? How you look me in my eyes and still make me question if I’m loved or just available.

Dear Whomever

Dear Whomever,

I don’t even know what to call you any more

so “whomever” feels right.

Somewhere between “my love” and “my lesson,”

you lost your name in my life.

I used to say it like it meant something

like it belonged to me,

like every syllable had a heartbeat

that echoed back to “we.”

Now it just sit on my tongue

like a question I don’t ask out loud.

’Cause answers got a way of hurting

when the silence already too loud.

I gave you pieces I was still learning how to keep,

trusted you with parts of me

I barely let myself see.

And maybe that was my fault—

building a home in somebody

who was still figuring out how to leave.

You ever miss me?

Or do I just visit you

when the world get quiet

and your distractions go to sleep?

’Cause me

I still trip over memories

like they left their shoes by my door.

Still catch myself reaching for you

like my heart ain’t learned the score.

I ain’t writing this for closure—

I don’t even think that’s real.

Some wounds don’t close,

they just learn how to feel… quieter.

But I had to say something—

even if it’s into a space

you might never return to.

So yeah…

Dear Whomever,

I hope you find what you were looking for—

even if it wasn’t me.

—Me