after for me tho

I tried love too many times

stopped keeping score

somewhere between giving and losing

I became something I don’t recognize anymore

after you

there’s nothing left I can lend

not even the version of me

that used to try to pretend

you let someone come between us

like it ain’t split something within

had me looking from outside in

at a life I should’ve been in

I know that space

I built that place

every wall still echo my voice

now I’m watching from a distance

like I ain’t have a choice

I had what I wanted

within reach… within skin

but what I wanted didn’t want me

so I let that reality sink in

no scenes

no begging

no need to defend

I wasn’t losing you to them

you was already gone

I just ain’t see it back then

unexpected

I wasn't looking for you when you found me. I had learned to live with my scars and accepted that some broken pieces might never fully fit again. Then you came along, unexpected and beautiful, and somehow, you made healing feel possible.

My journey to you was not easy. There were rough roads, lonely nights, and lessons that left their mark. But every step led me closer to the kind of love I had always hoped for. A love patient enough to understand me and strong enough to stay.

You have a way of making me feel whole when im with you. Your love brings peace to me. I'm honest, loving you has also awakened insecurities I thought I'd buried. Memories and experiences that i thought i was over. Sometimes, I worry about losing what means so much to me. (You) Sometimes, I question if I'm enough.

Know, I am trying. Trying to silence old fears, trying to trust fully, trying to be the man your love deserves. Some days are easier than others, but every day, I choose you.

Thank you for being patient with me, for loving me through my healing, and for seeing the best in me, even when I struggle to see it myself. 

We turned broken pieces into something beautiful, and for that, I will always be grateful.

You my unexpected love. Thats why it hit so hard...

Last Try

I’m about to risk it all

not in a loud way,

not with promises I can’t keep,

but in that quiet, dangerous way

where you give someone

the last soft part of you

you swore you’d protect.

This my final try.

Not because I don’t believe in love

but because I’m running out of versions of me

that still do.

I done bent before,

compromised pieces of myself

just to make something last longer

than it was meant to.

I stayed past expiration dates,

called it loyalty,

called it patience

whole time it was me

refusing to accept

I wasn’t being chosen.

But this time…

this time I’m standing still.

No chasing.

No over-explaining.

No trying to prove

I’m worth what I already know I am.

You either see me

or you don’t.

And if you don’t…

If this falls apart

like everything else I tried to hold together

I won’t break.

I won’t beg.

I won’t go looking for closure

in places that never gave me peace.

I’ll just go back

to what I know best.

Where feelings don’t stay long.

Where nights are temporary.

Where nobody asks questions

they don’t want the truth to.

Where I don’t invest in love

I just cover the cost of distance.

Pay for silence.

Pay for space.

Pay for people to leave

before they get the chance to stay

and figure me out enough

to hurt me right.

No attachments

just transactions.

No history

just moments that disappear

when the night does.

Back to survival.

Where love don’t cost a thing

Cause no one’s offering it.

And maybe that’s colder…

but at least it don’t lie.

stranger

I’m supposed to be your only, but you make me feel like a side dude— standing outside the window watching a relationship I’m somehow not a part of.

Crazy how I can hold your hand and still feel single. How strangers get conversations, attention, softness… that I gotta beg for in private.

Loving you started feeling like waiting for my turn in a place I helped build. Like I gotta compete for attention that was supposed to come natural.

And that kind of pain? Quiet. Embarrassing.

’Cause how you make somebody feel lonely while laying right beside them? How you look me in my eyes and still make me question if I’m loved or just available.

realizing can't breathe

Loving you came so naturally, it was like the oxygen I breathed,

Never had to question it, it just lived inside of me.

We were steady, we were solid, we were everything we needed,

Now we’re talking less and less, silence growing in between.

Conversations getting shorter, feelings harder to read,

I used to feel you in my arms, now those feelings are just memories.

I’m holding on to moments when we used to be…

Now every breath I used to breathe feels like your oxygen isn’t meant for me.

90s love

I could never be a hoe,

the streets won’t love me like my home.

I like to cuddle, to be held

sometimes I just wanna be the little spoon.

I can’t have my heart passed around

with nobody planning to keep it.

I move different

not better… just cautious.

I know what that temporary love do,

I seen it destroy the strongest.

I been that strong one…

now I just want my forever.

I want that 90s Black love,

the kind I grew up watching

two people choosing each other

after the long day is over.

Make it feel like a Monday night, 8PM,

Fresh Prince on in the background.

I saw Philip and Vivian Banks

strength partnering up with grace,

a man who protects and provides,

and a woman who reminds him

why he does it in the first place.

Or like the Winslows,

proving every day

family is the only thing that really matters.

Be my friend…

then fall in love unexpectedly.

Show me it’s a different world out here,

like Whitley and Dwayne.

I don’t want perfect

just something consistent.

The kind of love that argues in the kitchen

but laughs at the table.

Whether it’s about who make more money

or

whose mama biscuits better.

Be my Gina, I’ll be Martin.

I’m ready for them Living Single days to be over.

Two stubborn hearts,

arguing like rivals,

but understanding each other

better than anyone ever could

that Kyle and Maxine type love.

I want it real…

like it’s live in front of an audience—

no pre-recorded moments.

The story might change…

but the love stay the same.

crave you

I crave you

in ways words could never do justice.

Like my skin was made

to recognize your touch,

like my lungs only learned breathing

through the air you left behind.

Long before I knew your name

my heart already understood

the rhythm of yours,

allowing our beats to fall in sync

whenever we were together.

I crave you

like a bad habit I swore I’d quit

the kind that ruins sleep,

clouds judgment,

and still feels good enough

to run back to.

Every thought of you lingers

slow, heavy, dangerous.

You don’t just cross my mind…

you stay there,

stretched across my silence

like temptation wearing your face.

I don’t just want your body.

I want the version of you

nobody else gets close enough to touch.

The guarded side.

The tired side.

The softness hidden behind your pride.

The side of you

that only showed up

when the world went quiet

and it was just us

trying not to fall apart.

You made chaos feel familiar.

Made heartbreak feel gentle

like loving hands

wrapped around something already broken.

Like self-destruction

dressed up as comfort.

And somehow I still crave it

still crave you.

I hope...

Allow me to set the tone. 

Inspired by chance the rapper baby blues verse. 

Originally the voice i was going for was a petty funny but some world say it came off as bitter. So to each its own (I think that's the saying).

If we break up, I want your life to suck,

I hope you end up in a shootout and you barely duck.

I hope your car break down soon as you pull out the house,

and every wire in your walls get chewed by a mouse.

I hope your charger only work if you bend it just right,

and your Wi-Fi lag every single night.

I hope all your fries are cold when you come out the drive thru 

I hope all the "be on the look out," all look like you

I hope your alarm don’t ring when you got somewhere to be,

but go off on the times when you try to sleep 

I hope your phone die every time you need GPS,

I hope every time you need to say no they come out as yes

I hope your favorite song skip right at your favorite part,

and every new love interest play games with your heart.

I hope your headphones only play out one side,

and your ride always late  and have you waiting when its hot outside.

I hope it rain every time you forget your coat,

and your job act funny every time you need a note.

I hope your dreams feel real but never come true,

I ain’t wishing death… just minor inconvenience for  you.

it was April 2nd the intro

Update on life:

Life been kicking my ass.  Im fighting back but she be ducking lol

The lady that I once was absolutely in love with pulled the ultimate "got him fuck up" move. Still trying to wrap my head around the situation.

I may or may not (most likely I would) go im details about it later. 

This love game is for the birds. Im trying to move pass it but it's going to be hard when you have a constant reminder of what happen... if you guessing... you on the right track. 😆 

I cry in the rain to hide my tears. 

The best outcome of all this, my bars been on point. 

Robert Townsend once said you will become a great writer when you experience the most hurt. 

I see no lies in that. 

Lady and gentlemen I present my muse... Lovers of the past, my love of the present and those yet to come. 

Dear Whomever

Dear Whomever,

I don’t even know what to call you any more

so “whomever” feels right.

Somewhere between “my love” and “my lesson,”

you lost your name in my life.

I used to say it like it meant something

like it belonged to me,

like every syllable had a heartbeat

that echoed back to “we.”

Now it just sit on my tongue

like a question I don’t ask out loud.

’Cause answers got a way of hurting

when the silence already too loud.

I gave you pieces I was still learning how to keep,

trusted you with parts of me

I barely let myself see.

And maybe that was my fault—

building a home in somebody

who was still figuring out how to leave.

You ever miss me?

Or do I just visit you

when the world get quiet

and your distractions go to sleep?

’Cause me

I still trip over memories

like they left their shoes by my door.

Still catch myself reaching for you

like my heart ain’t learned the score.

I ain’t writing this for closure—

I don’t even think that’s real.

Some wounds don’t close,

they just learn how to feel… quieter.

But I had to say something—

even if it’s into a space

you might never return to.

So yeah…

Dear Whomever,

I hope you find what you were looking for—

even if it wasn’t me.

—Me